FIX IT!

 Happy New Month fam!
It's great being in the 11th month with you in it. I pray this month brings you all you've been praying for since the year began! Jesus still does 11th hour miracles, you know!

This is the long anticipated RELATIONSHIP TALK ON YnM!

FIX IT!

Few months ago, we all contributed to the topic: THE RIGHT AGE FOR GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP. I’m talking about RAGIR CAMPAIIGN. The energy we all put into it was amazing. I’ll say thanks once again! You all are great!

Most of us are more interested in relationship talks than any other talk. This is because many of us seek answers. This exuberance is not peculiar to the youths alone. From what I have noticed, married couples are more interested in couple’s gist than any other motivational platform.

After finances, another area people seek answers is relationship. All over social media, guys and ladies post about relationships. We all come across or even post quotes like:

Dear lover, I have standards. Step up or step out…

Bad relationships are like a bad investment. No matter how much you put into it, you’ll never get anything out of it. Find someone that is worth investing in…

Well… read through

First of all, What is the purpose of being in a relationship? If it is not headed towards marriage, it is a crashing plane already. This post could save your aircraft.

DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU ARE NOT HEADING TOWARDS MARRIAGE. And, it is also not advisable to get into a relationship in 2020 when you are not ready for marriage until 2027.

WHY DO MOST RELATIONSHIPS FAIL?

Before getting into a relationship, there are two vital steps to take. This is why most relationships fail. We try to escape these steps. It’s like going to the university without passing through primary and secondary school; obviously, you will have to take the university lessons along with the ones you missed in secondary and even primary school, because you cannot skip them. There are levels to life. You cannot escape some things because they are vital steps that must be taken before you can advance to the next level. No one is born an adult. You have to pass through the baby, kindergarten and teen stage.

It is no different when it comes to relationships. You have to go through these two stages:

1. SINGLEHOOD AND SELF-CHECK

2. FRIENDSHIP

1. SINGLEHOOD AND SELF-CHECK

Singlehood, as the name implies, is the period where a lady or guy is single (not married nor courting). You may disagree with me that most people get it wrong in this stage/phase, but it is the truth. I’ll tell you why:

Most of us spend our singlehood, wishing to be married. We spend their singlehood envying other people’s “rosy” relationships with comments like “oh! My chest, my ovaries are tingling” (laugh out loud).

Why do we see singlehood as a deadly cage to escape from? Some of us are so worn out from bad relationships that there is nothing left of us anymore. And we fail to realize that it is as a result of escaping this beautiful phase. 

This is why we have 15 year olds going into relationships for reasons they cannot even explain. Please, enjoy the phase of singlehood, BUT don’t just enjoy it, fulfill it. How do you fulfill it? By carrying out the task embedded in it. What is the task?

SELF-CHECK

SELF-CHECK is equivalent to sound-check before a concert. Before going into a relationship, you must work on yourself. Not working on yourself before you go into a relationship, is what makes it fail. Working on your self will make you go into the right relationship. How? Because you will not settle for someone who has not worked on his/herself. That’s diminishing. If you have worked on yourself, you will be able to identify someone who has done the same. You will also come to the consciousness that getting into a relationship with someone who wasted his phase of singlehood while you were fulfilling yours is like a lion arguing with an ant. In the first place, ants are barely visible to them, and engaging in an argument is diminishing. 

A Bishop said something during a sermon: YOU DO NOT PREPARE IN MARRIAGE. YOU PREPARE FOR MARRIAGE!

In other words, you prepare before marriage.

As a single lady, you will be able to identify areas of your weaknesses so you can work towards correcting them and you will be able to identify your strengths so you can grow them. THAT IS THE ESSENCE OF SINGLEHOOD, Until you fulfill this phase, going into a relationship is a waste of time. And if you escape this phase, you will get drained in your relationship.

As a lady, this is the phase where you know you have to work on yourself if are the type that talk to men without regard for them, or if you are the type that can fling a breakable flower vase when someone stains your party dress. You know the areas you need to work on. Those areas people complain about, but you tell yourself “let them say what they want, I don’t care. They are just haters”. That’s a very dangerous statement to make. WORK ON YOURSELF so that you can have the best relationship ever.

As a guy, this is the phase where you need to work on yourself if you are the type that is selfish. You spend all on yourself without considering your siblings. That’s where it starts, until you get married and start having issues when your wife starts making numerous demands. You are used to “JUST ME”. WORK ON YOURSELF so that you can have the best relationship ever.

2. FRIENDSHIP

Most of us miss it in this phase too. I find myself in a state of confusion when guys walk up to me and I give them my contact, and then hours later, they chat me up, telling me I looked so beautiful in that dress and they want us to move from being friends into something deeper. I’m always lost like, “heloooooo, we just met, we are not even friends, so where exactly are we moving from?”

It doesn’t work that way. It is just so unfortunate that so many people think courtship is the period where you “see if this person is good for me”. What then do you do in friendship? When you are friends with someone, you know the person so well.

Have you noticed that most friends know a person’s secrets, behaviors and can even handle them well, more than the person’s partner? That is the beauty of friendship. Get to know him/her well before getting into “something deep”.

P.S: You may even get to know if the person has a spiritual problem. (lol).

FIX IT!

Some people walk out of a relationship because they refuse to FIX IT! I would say that if you walk out of every relationship at every slight misunderstanding, you will eventually not stay in any one. Every thriving relationship applies the FIX IT principle.

Dear ladies, posting about heartbreaks and how awful you think guys are, wouldn’t help you. It will in fact, break you to a point where there is nothing left of you, and when you finally get into “another” relationship, you’re already worn out from depression and self-pity. It would be better if you are worn out, trying to fix your mess and attitudes.

Dear guys, moving from friend to friend, speaking ill of your partner would not change her. It will only destroy her image before good people, thanks to you. It would be better if you channeled your energy towards sitting her down and helping her see the strengths in her weaknesses. If you feel she gossips too much, you can tell help her there is a strength in that weakness that will be unveiled if she attended Journalism school (lol), Just an example.

Relationships fail because we fail to FIX IT!

We get into new relationships very often because we failed to FIX the former

What makes you think that you will not have the same issues you had in your former relationship? If your partner says you are arrogant, check it, don’t just flare up. Flare up if you want to, but check it. Don’t be blind to your faults, FIX THEM!

Some people move from one relationship to another, facing the same problems, until they get so old that they settle for “ANYBODY” because there is no more time to be choosy.

When there is a problem in your relationship, work towards fixing it, even if there is no effort on the part of your partner. That is the definition of a powerful man/woman. Not every issue demands the action of WALKING AWAY.

Sometimes you should stay and fix it, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DIDN’T CREATE THE MESS in the first place; I know this sounds weird, but you have to understand this: The person who created the mess may not see it as a mess, therefore, will find nothing wrong with it. You who sees it as a mess, should take it upon yourself to help your partner. Anger or unforgiveness won’t do the trick.

Also, the partner who created the mess may not be so humble to apologize. You take it upon your self to talk sense into his/her head in a calm manner and make them see their faults in a loving manner. By so doing, you are bettering yourself as well as your partner.

That is the way it works. Fixing a relationship is not a one-sided thing. It takes efforts on both sides to make it work.

Above all, your peace of mind is paramount. It’s not selfishness. If your partner does not want to be fixed, you know what to do! Do it quickly before you are drained.

FIX IT!

Follow us on I.G @ynm_today. Tell us your experience. Answer the relationship question for the week in our post. The favourite answer will be the face of YnM for the week. We’ll post your pics, follow you back and tell the world about you on our blog!

We’ve got you covered on relationship gists every Friday by 10pm. Feel free to contribute in the comment box below. Ask questions too.

I hope this post inspired you. Share your story. Share with friends too.

For inquires/complaints/suggestions, kindly email us via ynmtoday@gmail.com

YnM: inspiring you is what we do best…